angry words and the mountain.

angry words and sharp comments
confusion, escalation, debate
misunderstanding stings
I feel shaken,
whipped around by the tones in your voice
heart racing and leaping
grasping at words as they fall away
down the sides of the mountain
that sprung up between us
it’s all wrong, my words twisted & thrown
… not what I meant, not what I mean…
frantic I try to put thoughts back together
and find my way back to the core
voices quieter now.
tears and a nod
a hug but it’s hollow
and panic is lingering
lonely and lonelier still…
there’s nothing to do but let the tears come
and stare out the window
watching the sky
… please help me come back …
…are you there? … are you gone?
it’s crushing, fast breaths
grief floods the insides
words scroll through my mind,
and I realize …
I’m talking out loud to myself
I try & I cry & I’m hopeless at this
fumbling, throwing out thoughts
nothing helps …
but I pound my fists on this mountain
as I cry & I try
desperate to find you again
the words lay in heaps on the ground where I sit
and the mountain looms large in the fore
I miss you, I’m broken
but finally listening…
I can find my way back to you now
I return with hands open, with words set aside
to hear your heart beat and your breath
my fingers tangle your hair, I let go and I soften
to feel the end of the journey apart
my back to the mountain
I breathe slowly once more
and give thanks that the climb didn’t break us
we found our way through, can we always do that?
I am grateful to simply be here.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. WonderfullyFi
    Jul 20, 2012 @ 09:41:03

    Ah sweetheart, we both need hugs…….here {{{{{HUG}}}} xxx


  2. alienhippy
    Jul 20, 2012 @ 09:43:28

    Hi, I’ve not visited your blog before but saw your comment on Fi’s blog. Poetry is easier for me to read I am an adult with dyslexia and Aspergers. Your poem is very expressive, I like it..I like real and honest, it makes sense to me in a world that very often doesn’t make any sense at all.
    Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂


    • cathykal
      Jul 20, 2012 @ 11:29:27

      Hi Lisa, Thanks for visiting & for your nice comments! I also like real and honest & even though I’m not “on the spectrum” to tell the truth, the world often doesn’t make sense to me either. I so appreciate hearing from you & wish you all the best! xo Cathy


  3. Trackback: What I Did in 2012. « Autism Home Rescue

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